Saturday, September 10, 2005

Learning to Swallow My Pride

Yesterday Harley and I stopped in at 5th Dimension Scuba (http://www.fifthd.com/) to pick up his new double tanks that needed a visual inspection and fill. For those who don't know, 5th Dimension is affilated with GUE (Global Underwater Explorers) who I respect and admire as the "gods" of research diving and discovery. They literally go "where no man has gone before".

Displayed triumphantly on the walls of the dive store are the most amazing photos I have ever seen! Why? Because the photos are rare and were not easily acquired as it took the utmost discipline, training, physical endurance, and concentration to obtain them! The pictures paint the beautiful and glorious alien world of the Mexican underwater cave system. It is a place where I could only visit in my dreams or hopefully after I have leave this earth.

It may not sound like such a task to the lay person to dive there but cave diving is one of the most dangerous and risky of sports. One must be in extreme physical conditioning, be highly trained in technical diving in overhead environments, and have an incredible sense of focus and skill. In addition, many of the underwater caves in Mexico are not easily acessible (meaning one must hike through an inhospitable and humid landscape to find the entrance to the cave). I am not talking about a bathing suit, mask, and snorkel either.....not even a recreational set of dive gear such as one might use on a tropical vacation. I am talking about carrying 4 tanks or more in a full exposure suit and equipment that the average sport diver could not even imagine!

The GUE divers were the ones to film the underwater documentary of the Britannic (sister ship to the Titanic). http://www.gue.com/research/britannic/index.shtml

As Harley was speaking to the man working at the shop, I tried to carefully and casually walk around the shop in a manner which would not reveal my imbalance. Heaven forbid I did not want to show my defect here! With careful focus and concentration I managed to move among the racks of dive gear without tripping or bumping into anything.

The man knew I was deaf as Harley signed to me where the bathroom was. That did not bother me. Initially years ago when I started losing hearing I was very self conscious about revealing my hearing loss to other divers let alone the tech divers! Now I really did not care about the deafness but the imbalance instead. It is like my kayak story. I just really hate letting it show when surrounded by more able body people who are experts in their sport.

Everything seemed to be going rather smoothly until it was time to leave. There were three cylinders there (all steel tanks which are the heaviest). Two of them were for Harley's new double tank system and one was my old tank which weighs 41 pounds. Harley grabbed his two and then nodded to me to grab mine.

Again I was caught in a moment of panic! He wanted me to carry this 41 pound cylinder out to the car? How was I gracefully or safely going to manage this? Afterall, it has been a year and a half at least since I dove! I guess I did not think about the situation when I first entered the store. I was just so focused on maintaining my balance and looking normal. Well fudge! What to do, what to do?

I never looked back at the man working there and for some reason after I got over the initial few seconds of shock, bewilderment, and problem solving of how I was going to accomplish this feat, I instictively and bravely grabbed my tank. I remember for a brief second feeling kind of mad...like "Hey I have NF2 and I am all screwed up! How do you expect me to carry this tank?".

I think I took a deep breath as I grasped my tank with my right hand. I could not carry it as strongly and confidentally as I did before. In fact, when I was younger and when I worked at a dive shop, I would customarily carry aluminum 80 tanks up on my shoulder (you got understand.....it has kind of been a macho sport and for a long time it was very rare that a woman became a diver...50s-70s).

LOL I probably waddled like a penguin with my tank at my right side in an effort to counterweight my balance. It was not that far...maybe 15-20 feet to get out the door. Immediately outside the shop were 2 stone/brick/cement steps. I stopped there and contemplated what to do, I HATE going down steps that don't have a handrail! Plus I was carrying a potential bomb that could explode if dropped in a very unfortunate manner.

I stood there for awhile not quite sure what to do while Harley carried his tanks to the trunk of the car. Maybe I was hoping that he would come and get mine but I did not really feel like waiting either. I felt eyes upon the back of my head and wondered what the man in the shop was thinking. It is not uncommon for men to be diver's and their wives or significant others to not be (especially in the realm of tech diving!). Still it bothered me not to show that I was fully able.

I looked over to my left where it looked like it could possibly be all level and no stairs (a wheelchair acessible route) but I really was not sure. Plus it was a long way to go (3-4 times the distance as opposed to the 10 feet it would take to make it to the trunk). If I went around surely the man inside would wonder what the heck I was doing. LOL

Harley looked back at me. The door of the dive shop was open and the man was by himself. I have no idea if he was watching us or not. A little embarassed I said to Harley "It is a little harder now because of my balance." Then I had an idea. These steps were pretty low and flat. I decided to set the tank down on the one step and support it with my right hand and then step down with my body. I did that for the two steps and made it to the trunk of the car.

It felt great that I was able to bring my tank out to the car but if I had not been put in the situation I think I would have let Harley do it for me. I had not thought about it in a long time. While we were driving away, I chuckled at myself for being so self conscious and worrying about what the guy at the store thought.

If I am ever able to dive again I have lots of work to do. I have lost a great deal of strength in my upper body but it is slowly returning. There was a point when I could not carry a bag of dog food anymore. As a matter of fact, it took loads of energy just to slide it onto the bottom of my dang cart at one time! However, after taking the three tanks out of the car and carrying them the short distance to the garage, I was able to carry the dog food (a 40 lb bag) up the stairs of the deck and into the house. Both tasks drained me but I managed and got them done! :o)

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