Thursday, August 18, 2005

The Rare Gem

Today was a very rare day because I don't recall feeling any sadness today. Now I have many good days and wonderful friends. There are friends who help me with learning sign language, who take me to parades and events, who take me into the mountains to go on a hike, who go for walks with me, who read my thoughts and offer comfort, praise and encouragement, who share dinners with me, who chat online with me, who share the celebrations of their lives with me, who come and visit and many other things. For this I am quite fortunate. I also have a wonderful family and husband who are supportive and close. I love them dearly and I cannot imagine what my world would be like without them.

However, despite the comfort and joy I feel from my family, friends, and dogs it is rare that a day goes by without some glimmer of sadness for what I have gone through, what I have personally lost, and what the future may hold but cannot be predicted. It is hard living with NF2 physically for many and emotionally I believe for us all. You would not fully know it because I choose often not to write about it or to keep it hidden within if possible.

But today I can honestly say I was rather content. There may have been a moment of passing sadness somewhere. If so, it was short and ran from my memory rather quickly as I don't recall it. As a matter of fact I was just quietly reflecting while cleaning the kitchen and realized that I think I made it a day without anger, sadness, grief, or anguish. The day began overcast and rainy but inside I feel as though the sun was shining in my heart. I absolutely love moments like this. It makes me feel satisfied, like there is positive and important work to be done, and that I have something to hope for.

I wanted to take a short moment to share this feeling with you so that I will not forget it. Perhaps on the days that darkness invades I can come back and visit this place of contentment where the light is shining.


Angel said...

Hey Becky, your attending our wedding brought back many wonderful memories of us together when we worked at the dept of agriculture and all those wonderful days when you would come out to meet me in the mountains and we would drive further in. Also I remember your beautiful wedding as well and how Harley looked so handsome and you were definitely the most beautiful lady there. And I do mean lady.
Our friends Dan and Stacey came up to us and Dan was all excited andwas very happy to meet you! He said to us "You guys have a wonderful friend! She's cool!" I told him, "I know!"
You are so loved and so liked and my world is definitely a better place becuz you are in it and we have a "past" as friends and I will never ever let you go as my friend. You are the absolute best, Becky and I love you ever so much! Thanx for making our wedding so much better!

Anonymous said...

I managed to get a friend learn sign language with me too. N hey Reecca, you have a flair in expressing your feelings through words. Keep it up! blogging is really therapeutic.

Laura said...

If the darkness does start to invade you merely need to look in the mirror for the light to shine, because you are by far the brightest light I know!